The Fault One

It was 23 March 2013. The day when you texted me as I'm the fault one.

You said to me that I had to realize my and his condition. He said to me that he couldn't be nice to me as he used to be because of some reasons :

1. His "girl" was so jealous and angry to me. Why was she so angry? Was it because he and I were so close? Oh dude, you don't have the right to. He isn't your guy though. You never accept his confession. Come on. For me, declaration is everything. And I'm not scared of your anger, bcos I'm not wrong.

2. He said that I would love him again if he treated me just like he treated my other friends. Dude, I know myself and I know how to solve my own problem. Although I will fall for him (again) one day,  I won't tell him my feeling, unless he tells me first and decides to leave her for me.

Actually, I just wanted to tell you to act normally in front of my friends. At least don't avoid either me or my words. Don't make the other realize the strange air between us. You had chosen her and that's clear. I was hurt, but I'm not that stupid. I don't want to break our "bestfriend" status only because of "that".

I told you once again. The more you hurt me like this, the more difficult for me to forget about you.

:D

"Maybe I'm a fucking bastard by doing this. Love you too" -R (19 March 2013, 1:19 a.m.)

That was my favourite line of our short love life. It's too hard for me to forget you.

Eventhough I tried making myself busy with anything I can do, I still can't get you out of my mind. While you, I bet you have forgotten about what we've done or we've felt for each other. Ironic, huh? But that's normal since you also have somebody else to love while I don't (and I don't plan to).

:D

Annoying, huh?

Why did you do that? Was I that annoying for you? You didn't laugh normally when I was joking. When the others laughed at me, the ipad seemed more attractive for you. Did you see me? Did u actually wanna laugh at my jokes?

I was trying hard to act normally in front of you. But you didn't care about my effort. It's hard you know. You had hurt me just by texting your "girl" in front of me. However, I didn't think of it as a troublesome. It's just normal eventhough I didn't think so.

There's so many things I want to talk about with you. But I don't know the right time to say them. You don't give me the time to.

The second day

A strong heart is needed in loving you. First day of the week, the second day we met face to face after you chose her, it's still tough. You kept ignoring me and talked about her in front of me all the time. It's like you spend half of your life for her and just for her.

Whe we talked about hanging out with others, he always said he couldn't because he had to meet her. So, this is what you said 'be my bestfriend'??? You didn't even try to cheer your "bestfriend" up.

Did you do it on purpose so that I could hate you? Sorry, but you can't change my feeling how hard you try. Neither can I.

Another Story

I'm sorry. After seeing all of these, I decide not to forget you. I just can't. Here I come, the years full of pain :)

I can't

'Try forgetting someone you really love is more like hurting yourselves even more'.

That's the best quotes to describe me. You know, he said that I had to forget him and found someone else. Words are to simple to be said, but it's really hard for me to do it.

I've tried in many ways, but still, I just can't do it. I hate it when it turns out like this. I'm stuck in my own feeling.

He's the one who can change my ex's position in my heart. And when he entered my heart, he decided to get out and forced me to get him out.

I really appreciate what he has decided. However, I can't deny my feeling. And every time I remember about us spending our times together, it hurts me so much.

Have you ever felt the condition when you want to cry out loud but you can't? I'm in that position right now.

I need him to hear me crying and hug me so tightly, just like my dream. And if It's possible, I want him to choose me and have a happy ending with him.

That's so irrational (I know). And you guys may hate me for that.

Random

Let me do a flashback

I still remember the first time you took my hand and held it when I was "pretending" to sleep. That was so warm either my hand or my heart. Then the love grew inside my heart uncontrolly.

The second time you held my hand was when we drove you to school. That time i was also pretending to sleep. Even if the weather was hot and your hand was hotter, i didn't really mind. I loved it and I wondered if we could do that for many times.

Then we started to meet each other everyday. I felt that you're so precious to me. And I hoped that something would happened to your relationship. That was cruel of me, but that was what everybody would wished if the were on my side.

We're getting closer and closer, while holding hands was just like habit for us. Then one day you told me that you loved me. That time I felt like I'm the happiest person in this world eventhough I knew that this love wouldn't go smoothly. I also knew that he wouldn't stay by my side that long. However, I didn't care and ignored everything around me.

Things went fast and he tried hard to choose whether me or her. I could clearly saw the answer from the start. But again, my ego is bigger than my rational thoughts. I fell in love too deep inside.

Finally, as what I had thought, he chose her. He said that I had to forget about my feelings toward him. Well, that was a selfish wish as I even couldn't forget about someone I had loved before for these 4 years. Yea, I was bad in forgetting someone so dear to me.

But still, I couldn't do nothing and wished all the best for their relationship.

Thanks for loving me eventhough that only lasted for a month
Thanks for letting me feel this requitted love
Thanks for letting me hold your hand
Thanks for spending your times with me

Fyi, I never slept in the car when you drove LOL
Thanks for everything :D